How to Avoid the Valentine's Day Blues



Author: Jessica Worthington

Valentine's day is just a few days away and has many of us brainstorming ideas and scouring the internet for ways to show our significant other how much they mean to us. But even the best-laid Valentine's day plans have the potential to backfire. It's not uncommon for couples to experience a post-Valentine’s day argument that leaves them feeling discouraged and disconnected. Below are some of the most common reasons we can have the blues after a day colored in love, and what we can do about it. 

There's no such thing as mind-reading on Valentine's Day.

Telepathy is high on the list of superpowers I'd like to have (it would make my job and personal life a lot easier). However, in real life, many of us operate with the assumption that our partner should just know what we want, what we're feeling and what we're in the mood for. We may drop hints, or make vague comments alluding to what we're trying to communicate. Our subtle belief in mindreading is universally hard on relationships. One partner is left feeling unloved, and the other partner is left feeling powerless and confused as to why their partner is upset with them.

When challenging the concept of mindreading, the responses I often hear are "We've been together for so long, they should just know" or "If he/she really loved me, and really knew who I was, they would know what makes me feel loved". Instead of assuming your partner "should just know" what you're hoping this Valentine's day will be like, resolve to make it special by starting a tradition of talking explicitly about your hopes for the day, ideas you have and what would make you feel loved.

Don't let Valentine's Day be a relationship test.

Culturally, we put a lot of pressure on this holiday. Therefore, any discrepancy between what we're hoping and our reality has the potential to derail the entire day. Instead of using this day as a test for how much your partner loves you, commit to using this holiday as an opportunity to get to know one another a little better, share more deeply and marvel at the way your beloved changes through time. Make room for imperfections, and use this holiday to co-create a relationship that you can celebrate the other 364 days of the year. 

To schedule a consultation with Jessica, call 512-537-5977.

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Jessica Worthington, LMFT