Social media is at our fingertips 24/7; in our homes, cars and relationships.
This is a reality that isn't going away and one that generations before us didn't have to navigate. I know I’m stating the obvious here- but social media and technology have forever changed the landscape of how we communicate, live our daily lives, and relate to one another. Whatever your social media habits might be, take a minute to think about three things:
- Does the AMOUNT OF TIME spent on social media affect your relationships?
- How often does the CONTENT on social media impact how you view your partner?
- Do you use social media to distract yourself or avoid interaction with your partner?
How do your social media habits impact how you view your partner?
Social media can create unrealistic relationship expectations. Or maybe it’s not what others are doing is unrealistic - it’s just not AUTHENTIC for you or your relationship. What you see others doing or posting or tweeting is a small snap shot of their day or who they are.
If we spend enough time consuming media and other peoples lives, do we begin to believe our lives should look the same? Do we create expectations for our partners that don’t fit the uniqueness of the relationship? A lack of communication about realistic expectations breeds resentment and mistrust. So, take a minute to ask yourself if you're holding your partner accountable for something they don't know about.
Instead, what if you just talked to your partner?
Take a minute to talk about it. Just talking about expectations, wants, needs, and desires creates intimacy and vulnerability even though it's easier to bury our minds and attention in something else. Research is just starting to surface about how social media/technology can create problematic behaviors.
The tricky part about using your cell phone for everything is that it conveniently functions for professional and personal uses throughout your daily life; for example, you deposit checks, take business and personal phone calls, type emails, schedule appointments, buy groceries, watch videos and much much more!
So, carving out focused time to share with your partner is paramount. When my grandparents needed to discuss something in the evening, they didn't have the option to say, “Hold on one sec, I’m finishing this work bid that I need to email and then I need to deposit a check, troll on Twitter and Favor our dinner.” Choose your partner first, they deserve the uninterrupted, original version of face time.
How can you be more vulnerable with your partner?
Break the cycle of disconnect. What works for your relationship might not work for another. Together with your partner decide what amount of social media and TV you allow in your home, your life, and in all your relationships.
Set boundaries and parameters. No phones during dinner. We take one hour an evening with no TV or phones to download (pun intended) our day. If you don't take the time to connect, then the ongoing narrative becomes one of you isn’t important enough to warrant genuine authentic interaction.
A lack of quality face time with your partner will begin to erode the foundation of connection and desire in the relationship. When your partner has something important to share or needs to explore their feelings and you glance between the TV and phone sharing vulnerable moments or feelings are no longer safe in a relationship, it becomes a legitimate fear. By not giving your attention to the person you love, you inadvertently communicate that they are not important.
To schedule an appointment with Caroline Harris, LMFT-Associate, call 512-915-3063.